Fear
Originally Posted at 08:19 PM on Dec. 10, 2003
Fear is why.
I'm not sure what I'm saying here, but let's see where it takes us. I think the number one reason I haven't had a girlfriend in over a year is fear. Fear of the thought that I will just be wasting the girl's and my time. I've had mini-crushes over my college career, but they've never developed into anything because of fear. I don't know what I want out of life, I don't know where I am going, I don't know how I'm going to get there, and I don't know my destination. On the one hand, I feel as though, relationships are just to share something with someone and enjoy the time you have together; but on the other, I also feel like there should always be the potential that you end up together (ie marriage) down the road. I'm not sure if that's how I felt going into my relationship with Michelle 2 years ago, but I feel as though I'm afraid I will repeat the same mistakes as before (ending up hurting her). But at the same time, isn't that what relationships are about; exploring the unknown, experiencing things with someone new, just having a good time connecting with someone else, and the inherent risk of getting hurt. Letting someone in, and putting yourself on the line.
Fear is holding me back. It may seem egotistical, but I'm afraid of hurting someone. Of course, at the same time, I can say without a doubt people have been hurt through collateral damage of things I've done. Why should it be any different if I take a more head-on approach? - I'm not sure, maybe I think it'd be rude to start a relationship with someone that I have no intention of it ever going anywhere with; maybe I think too long term when it comes to relationships. I think too much. The best time I have with people is when I'm out, relaxing, chatting, and just sharing a good laugh. But I also wouldn't mind doing that, but more in a "one-on-one, we're on a date" setting; where more will take place than laughing. What's stopping me? Like I said, Fear.
I guess I should say fuck it, and live in the now.
Back to the Two Golden Rules:
Rule #1: Number one always comes first.
Rule #2: I am number one.
Maybe I think too much, and am afraid to hurt. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself, and what I'm really afraid of is being the one who gets hurt.
Originally Posted at 08:19 PM on Dec. 10, 2003
Fear is why.
I'm not sure what I'm saying here, but let's see where it takes us. I think the number one reason I haven't had a girlfriend in over a year is fear. Fear of the thought that I will just be wasting the girl's and my time. I've had mini-crushes over my college career, but they've never developed into anything because of fear. I don't know what I want out of life, I don't know where I am going, I don't know how I'm going to get there, and I don't know my destination. On the one hand, I feel as though, relationships are just to share something with someone and enjoy the time you have together; but on the other, I also feel like there should always be the potential that you end up together (ie marriage) down the road. I'm not sure if that's how I felt going into my relationship with Michelle 2 years ago, but I feel as though I'm afraid I will repeat the same mistakes as before (ending up hurting her). But at the same time, isn't that what relationships are about; exploring the unknown, experiencing things with someone new, just having a good time connecting with someone else, and the inherent risk of getting hurt. Letting someone in, and putting yourself on the line.
Fear is holding me back. It may seem egotistical, but I'm afraid of hurting someone. Of course, at the same time, I can say without a doubt people have been hurt through collateral damage of things I've done. Why should it be any different if I take a more head-on approach? - I'm not sure, maybe I think it'd be rude to start a relationship with someone that I have no intention of it ever going anywhere with; maybe I think too long term when it comes to relationships. I think too much. The best time I have with people is when I'm out, relaxing, chatting, and just sharing a good laugh. But I also wouldn't mind doing that, but more in a "one-on-one, we're on a date" setting; where more will take place than laughing. What's stopping me? Like I said, Fear.
I guess I should say fuck it, and live in the now.
Back to the Two Golden Rules:
Rule #1: Number one always comes first.
Rule #2: I am number one.
Maybe I think too much, and am afraid to hurt. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself, and what I'm really afraid of is being the one who gets hurt.
posted by The @ 4:10 PM
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